Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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