Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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