youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
