u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
