I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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