Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
