is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
