It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
