i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
