Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
