He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My ATM looks so different sober.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
