Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
