highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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