i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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