I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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