If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
