toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
