Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
