That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
