Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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