Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
