Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
