when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
