The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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