Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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