"it" just moved
I wish they made helmets for livers.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
