so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
soo... how was my night?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
