Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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