woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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