Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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