It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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