i just wanna soil my oats bro
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
