That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i came on her dog
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
