If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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