I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
