Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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