like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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