I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
