so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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