just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
