i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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