he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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