Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
