wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
