You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
