So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
