I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I understand Curling. That high.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
