i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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