oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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