did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
