i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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